Tuesday, August 10, 2004

~ Can You Find EVERYTHING On The Internet? ~

I do believe I am the first person to NOT find something on the Internet. If you find it for me, I will eat my flip flop. I am looking for a picture of "The Leaving Dance" as performed by Meg Ryan's crazy woman character in the excellent movie RESTORATION.

You see, I feel like doing The Leaving Dance and I thought it would be appropriate to show you what it looks like. For now, I will leave you with Meg's crazy character and an image of the movie itself.

"Not the Safety Dance! The LEAVING Dance!"

I IMed with MO tonight. Sweet boy! I missed him, haven't talked to my pal in a long time. He sounds well, dating a new girlie, and I am glad that Incubus rocked hard for him last night.

I think I am going to start journaling (is that a word?) as to what my mood was for the day. I know I have my moods posted on the left bar of my blog, but just for my sake I would like to have some sort of record to see how long it takes for me to snap out of this funk that I am in since C broke up with me. It took me several years to get over MT and TR, and I sincerely hope that is not going to be the case here with C. I do not have that kind of time anymore, and more importantly I do not want to be in pain and despair any longer than I have too. I will grieve, I will move through my pain, and I will branch out again. No man is worth feeling terrible for when I believe he has made a regrettable mistake.

My mood changed today into something worse and I am bothered by it. Heard some news that should have been happy, but it did not strike me as such, more of deep concern. I have never felt this way before with this individual and I am not sure on what level why I am feeling this way. Something is not right. I am taken aback because this is not consistent behavior with this individual and admittedly, I am disappointed. We'll see what happens. I want everything to be fine and without any future heartache, I just hate it when I feel something like this in the core of my soul and it simply is not sitting well with me.

I have been on an
eBay kick again. When I get depressed I am one of those depression shoppers. It's an addiction for me that I have been working on for many years and actually have been VERY good at for the past four years. My control has been strong and I have been very proud of myself. I rarely, if ever, step into a mall and if I do I try to make sure that someone is with me.

However, I am cutting myself a little slack and turned to eBay for some relief. Since my funds are in limited supply these days, my purchases have been exceedingly small, mostly cosmetics, lipstick. Or, I will bid on something, but keep my bid very low and more than likely will be bidded out. It's just the act of me "shopping", finding something I like, the desire of wanting it, and then I am done with it. In past years it would have been a completely different outcome. I would have bought it no matter what the cost. Now, I don't even care anymore. I have changed so much in some things and in others, I feel hopeless.

There is a Perseid Meteor Shower
happening right now, I think I will go out and explore tonight and find a place where I can watch. I absolutely love Astronomy and yes, Astrology. Do I believe that there is life out there in the other galaxies? ABSOLUTELY!

I would love to sit down and have a conversation with
Prof. Stephen Hawking. Although his appearance and robot voice would freak me out a little bit, I am sure with the direction of the conversation and just the awe of his intellect I would swiftly be won over.


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